It takes time, effort, patience, maturity and work. We should be given the time to put our careers and personal development first, because no matter what anyone says, marriage is hard. Women should be allowed to let life and experiences shape their personalities before they enter a union with another person. It used to be marriage was the way you started to grow up, but recently, marriage is only going to work if you are both grown up.” We want to negotiate as equals.” She added: “These are things that come with education, maturity and the self-efficacy from establishing yourself in your career. “Today, we are coming to marriage with much higher expectations - a friendship, intimacy, mutual benefit, an openness to learning from each other. “Back in the 1960s, people could get married younger and it would work out because there was little for a woman to do but adjust to her husband,” Coontz explained to me. Historian Stephanie Coontz, author of Marriage, a History and The Way We Never Were, sees a historical progression toward advanced maternal age leading to greater marital satisfaction.

“Don’t you want to take the time to figure out who you are before you join your life to another?” “Why are you American women so afraid to be you?” one particularly sophisticated Parisian woman asked me. In Paris, I interviewed two dozen women, all of whom told me they had the impression that many American women rush into marriage before they’re ready, just because they want to be married. The life experience they had by their mid-30s made them more comfortable standing up to their husbands as equals, which they told me ultimately made them feel more satisfied in their marriages. They felt more confident and secure in themselves. The only difference, they informed me, was age. They had similarly arranged marriages in their 30s they felt were successful. In Dehli, Kolkata and Guwahati, India, I met with women who had been in failed arranged marriages in their 20s.

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